Introducing the Products Listen Sparky, what you see is what you get. My sauces are the best around. The products below are what I feel like making at the moment, so week to week the selection is at the mercy of my childish whims. If you like one particular sauce I'd order extra as there's no guarantee that it will be available again any time soon. And another thing, don't send in your requests. I'm a Chef, not a frigging wedding band.
In case you can't make up your feeble mind and decide, Mikey would like to suggest the following personal favorites: The Sunday Gravy, Fra Diavolo (Extra Spicey), Sausage Supreme. (in that order)
Traditional Meat Based Sauce, a.k.a. "The Sunday Gravy" Rich, thick sauce that can be enjoyed with pasta or dipped with a nice loaf of real Italian bread. (Or you can just make like my Roman forebears and rub it all over your body and roll around with a friend - But for god's sake lay down some newspaper first.) This sauce is patiently made with beef, pork, lamb, and anyone else who decided to tick me off that day.
Sure it will clog your arteries, but according to Nostradamus the "End of Times" has begun already, so who really gives a hoot... (On the odd chance they are right, then I definitely over-paid for my carpet. Damn.) Either way, enjoy it, and please don't ask for the recipe. Hoffa asked my Uncle Vincenzo once, and we all know how that turned out. ($10 for a Quart Jar)
Porcine Orgy Sausage Supreme Hey, what self respecting carnivore doesn't like sausage? We all do, especially Chef Angry Mike. This sauce is chock full of sliced pork goodness, oozing with the flavor of pure porcine heaven. Come on, order one, You know you want to, you bad girl. ($10 for a Quart Jar)
New Product! Roasted Fennel Marinara Sauce
For all you trendy, haute cuisine, elitist food snobs, I have created an incredible infusion of traditional Italian flavors, Fennel and slow simmered tomatoes. Yes that's right folks, your old buddy Chef Angry Mike has innovated yet another masterpiece for your self-centered enjoyment. Bulbs of fennel are slow roasted to bring out their sweet Anise flavor, then simmered and blended smooth along with San Marzano tomatoes. The sauce has a wonderful under-flavor of fennel, yet is not overbearing to the pallet. (just forget that last flowery prowse, it's just kick ass sauce, ok?) Order now and you will be free to celebrate my unparalelled genius. ($10 for a Quart Jar)
New Product! The Devil's Brother Fra Diavolo Sauce
For those of you who really want to relive the fiery delights of last nights dinner tomorrow morning, I have created my own special version of Fra Diavolo. It's hot from the Pepper Rosa! It's sweet from the Basil! It's so good that it's even covered in the new Obama Health Care Bill! For the truly insane, there is an extra spicy "Holistic Colon-Cleanse" version that will have you holding onto the bowl with both hands the day after and praying for the Armageddon to finally arrive.
Yeah, I know I'm disgusting, but I also know that my super-psychic powers will compel you to order. (that's right, you're already under my spell....look into my eyes...breathe deeply...you think you're a chicken...bock bock bock bock..Now Order!) ($10 for a Quart Jar)
Classic Marinara Sauce San Marzano tomatoes, onions, garlic, and sweetened with carrot. Yes carrot, what did you'd think I'd do, add sugar? Are you insane? Hey, my kids have to eat this stuff. I'm a damn responsible parent. All you annoying Vegetarian's will be happy to know that this sauce falls within the guideleines of your wacky lifestyle. And all you animal rights activists can knock off the nonsense too. Someone has finally heard your demands for a meat free pasta sauce. Put down your annoying picket signs and grab a fork and a spoon. You wacko's might actually enjoy life for a moment. ($10 for a Quart Jar)
Puttanesca Sauce The literal translations is "Whore's Sauce" in Italian. Think I'm joking? Go look it up...it's OK, I'll wait.. Who knows Puttanesca's better than Chef Angry Mike? No one, that's why my sauce is the best. Black and green olives, capers, garlic, San Marzano tomatoes, and anchovies make this sauce an incredible taste explosion....(yes, anchovies...what flavor best captures an tawdry culinary experience than anchovy, huh? And did you catch the "explosion" reference? I'm pretty damn witty!) Ok, my jokes suck, but my sauce kicks ass... ($10 for a Quart Jar)
Roasted Garlic Explosion ! (PU ! You Stink !)
A whole bulb of garlic that is slow roasted to reach the pinnacle of sweet perfection is then infused with San Marzano tomatoes and my special blend of spices and olive oil. This is just as good spread on bread as it is over your favorite pasta.
Note to all the men out there: If serving this sauce to your lady, and passing it off as your own, does not get you laid, then I'd resign myself to a life supporting the prostitution industry. ($10 for a Quart Jar)
New Product! The Million Calorie Virgin Vodka Cream Sauce
Look, I want your kids to be able to enjoy this food too so that's why we make it without the vodka. (hey, we're responsible! Friends don't let friends eat Chef Angry Mike Pasta sauce and drive. Please take the fork away, and for gods sake, eat responsibly!) If you don't like my reasons then go start your own pasta sauce company and stop bothering me. This sauce has been lovingly coaxed to perfection with a mixture of the best tomatoes we can find, sinfully decadent cream, and tangy romano cheese. (if you're Lactose intolerant, then go take a hike, I can't be bothered with your genetic weaknesses...) ($10 for a Quart Jar)
Always "All Natural", with no preservatives added. The only offensive thing you'll ever find in our sauce is a heaping portion of bad attitude.
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